Well, team, we did it. Our blog has been so successful that we had our first (albeit only) “Dear Wingo” letter: a request for a recipe using forlorn kale and dejected eggplant. Who am I to judge the state of your vegetables?

The following is a Facebook Messenger exchange between myself and someone we’ll call “MB.”

MB: I absolutely and wholly love your cooking blog. I particularly resonate with the aptly used descriptor of produce as “sad.” At present, I have forlorn kale in the crisper. Plus a dejected eggplant. What suggestions do you have to end their agony?

RW: First, you need to know that this interaction is going on the blog.

MB: I 1000% approve of that

RW: Excellent. I take this as your written consent. Now, riddle me this: do you have lemons?

MB: I do!

RW: Do you have cream, half-and-half, or milk?

MB: Yes!

RW: Do you have some parmesan and some pasta?

MB: I see where you’re going…I do have pasta, and maybe a small bit of Asiago?

RW: The parmesan is just for show. Asiago will do.

MB: Not to brag, but I even have multiple types of pasta. Spaghetti and rotini. I hope that wasn’t rude of me to mention.

RW: It’s a weird flex, [REDACTED], but I’m here for it.

I would roast your eggplant. Small fairy eggplants can be cut into rounds. Larger eggplants cut however makes sense. This will give them the roasty flavor and crisp them up a bit since they’re sad and floppy. Toss them in olive oil with some seasonings. Red pepper flakes? salt? whatever.

Then while they’re roasting sauté your kale, boil your pasta, and start making the sauce. It’s basically a butter sauce with lemon and a little dairy to make it creamy. Melt the butter with lemon zest and lemon juice. I like things to be lemon forward, so I would do two lemons. Three if you’re feeling bold.

Add the dairy last and only when you’re ready to toss the pasta.

Stir in the kale and put the eggplant on top. One part butter, 2 parts milk. Two tbsp to 4 tbsp maybe.

MB: I love this. Tell me, will this be a regular service you provide your readers?

RW: Only [NCSSM] unicorns.

MB: I think the spaghetti will be the right pasta shape for this dish

RW: Yes. I think that’s the right call. Please to send pictures.

MB: I could also make some homemade pasta but again, that is just an unnecessary flex in these turbulent, uncertain times. I will definitely send photos!!

RW: I inherited a pasta maker from someone who moved out of town. It is definitely making an appearance at some point. But first, I still need to finish the blog from last Saturday. There was fire. It was intentional and contained, but that’s besides the point.

MB: I gotta say, homemade pasta is the shit. Yeah, I was left wondering about that – you mention fire, and it seemed like in a bad way??

RW: We’re working on an improv [pasta] drying rack that will 100% include items that should not be in a kitchen. Yes – my blog is not without hyperbole. My roommate’s like, “this is not exactly how it went down,” and I’m all like, “IT’S FOR THE READERS, ANJALI.”

MB: WE NEED THIS, ANJALI

RW: She’s so selfish, honestly.

MB: Just give her another scone.

UPDATE

MB: K. So. We had some probz with a variety of things whilst making your recipe suggestion.

1) The water WOULD NOT BOIL. Maybe it’s the 8 quart new stockpot I got?

2) Also there were flecks of things (???) I kept seeing in the water so I had to dump and start over. Again, new stock pot issue?? Maybe. This all makes it sound like I live in some kind of hovel which I assure you is not the case.

3) I also baked some fish I got from my freezer along side this and it was MUSHY????

So no pasta, no fish, but we ate crispy eggplant on old jasmine rice. I started the lemon butter sauce and it looked great! So there’s one positive. And the kale sautéed up okay. Will try again with the pasta at some point.