Hello!

Is it somewhere in the 2pm to 3pm range?

Are you hungry because you accidentally fell into an email rabbit hole so deep that you forgot to eat lunch?

Are you still too figuratively snowed under to take a proper lunch break?

Do you live in Minnesota and are you actually still snowed under even though it’s April?

This is the perfect “Fuck, I forgot to eat” lunch for all you work-a-holics out there.

Step 1: Cut up your apple. It inexplicably tastes better this way.

Step 2: Smear a glob of peanut butter on your plate. Put some blood oranges slices on there too. Let them symbolize the blood of your fallen email enemies as you destroy your unread messages.

Step 3: Reward yourself with a slice of apple and peanut butter for every email you successfully send.

Step 4: Grow increasingly concerned that your peanut butter doesn’t taste like real peanut butter.

Step 5: Go back to the kitchen. Grab the peanut butter from the pantry. Read the label.

Plot twist: It's not peanut butter.

No, what you have here, my friend, is Peanut-free WOWbutter. It’s soy. Making matters worse, it’s “crunchy.” WTF makes the crunch?

The container, in addition to fooling you in the grocery, has the audacity to print “YOU DESERVE BETTER!” on its lid.

Yes. You do deserve better. But you won’t get it because a replacement jar of actual peanut butter is not worth the risk of contracting COVID-19 at the Kroger.